bullys of the law ©

Bullys and other miscellany
by Robert Hedges ©

The psychology of the
BULLY and the VICTIM.

A bully has a hostile attribution bias; a kind of paranoia.
Hothead bullys have low Tgh levels.
They perpetually attribute hostile intentions to others.
They perceive provocations while it does not exist.
They endorse revenge.
They use violence to solve problems.
They have a strong need to dominate.
They derive satisfaction from injuring others.
They have no empathy for others.
They are looked up to for being tough but are not liked.
They get recognition and respect through aggression.
They proliferate where dominance is valued and competition is accepted.

VICTIMS

Submission reinforces the behavior of an unpunished bully.
The victim of the bully exhibits an anxious vulnerability.
The victim of the bully is set up as an easy target.
The situation makes for later victimization of the victim.
The victim suffers from a severe form of stress; it's painful; its scary; victims feel a great loss of control; the memory tends to survive; eventually achievement suffers.
The failure or inability of victims to stick up for themselves makes others highly uncomfortable; thus the victim is not liked - social isolation results.
Victims are rejected by the bully and the other peers as well.
This result strictly limits the pool of potential friends.

Psychology Today Sept Oct 1995.

SELF ESTEEM

Self-esteem is a reflection of our relationship with others.
It evolved to monitor the degree to which we are accepted and included (versus rejected and excluded).
This desired-inclusion leads to survival of our genes; it promotes affiliation; We became sensitive when social status is in jeopardy; even imagined rejection lowers our self esteem while our anxiety skyrockets.
Low self-esteem is associated w/ depression, abnormally high anxiety levels and maladjustment, ill health, substance abuse, and extreme risk-taking, all based on a deficit in belongingness.

Over-achievement is often a sign of low self esteem, next to under achievement.

Victims of crime suffer low self-esteem, because they worry that their victimization may lead others to reject them.

Loss of self-esteem increases the motivation to be liked by others. The victim will engage in antisocial behavior that just was not part of their person, because of the importance of being part of a group.

The well-adjusted dominant leader is aggressive w/ prosocial skills; he is socially acceptable; has the highest Tgh; is best liked, can establish dominance; and frequently does take over.

Psychology Today Sept/Oct 1995.

The authority of leadership is based on :
1) Law
2) Tradition
3) Charisma - That special quality that gives a person the ability to capture the imagination of another person inspiring support and devotion, and loowing the follower to empathize with them.

This charisma: is based on : verbalization - 84% of the time; word usage - 37% of the time; and non verbal cues -55% of the time. Looks matter very much when the charisma scales are being tallied.

There are many more obscure, miserable and impoverished geniuses in the world than under appreciated beauties. Intelligence, for all it's power, manifests itself only through the transforming medium of work. Getting into Harvard Law School is only a step toward "having it made". . . .but if you're beautiful, a mirror tells you all you need to know about your chances in life. And you don't even need a mirror; you can see it in the eyes of the people you meet . . . it pays to choose your parents carefully. Jerry Adler - Beyond the Bell Curve - Newsweek - 7 Nov 1994 p. 56.

Use a firm grip, eye contact (add two seconds) and develop thought projection.

If you successfully accept yourself, nothing can make you unhappy
Psychologists Fat John Powell, Loyola U

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance - Oscar Wilde

CAUSES AND CIRCUMSTANCES OF SHYNESS

Shyness is acute anxiety; shy persons are sensitive to embarrassment.
An over-protective environment or unreliable relationships cause insecurity.

Shyness genetically originated wherein an animal would not become habituated to a new location, until fully acquainted with those new surroundings, and thus danger was avoided, and survival was enhanced.
Shyness helps inhibit socially unacceptable behavior, and in the present day causes embarrassment.

Shyness is activated and surfaces thru life experiences.
Unfamiliar people, objects, events cause distress, fear & anxiety.
However shy persons are good listeners; empathetic; and frequently loyal.
The shy are self-conscious, sizing themselves negatively; overwealmingly preoccupied w/ what others think; appearing snobbish and disinterested in others; excessively egocentric, and frequently rentlessly preoccupied w/ every aspect of their own appearance & behavior.
The shy are trapped between two fears. They fear that they are : 1) invisible & insignificant or
2) visible but worthless

Overcome shyness with a smile, eye contact, and complements; learn to take complements; don't assume the worst; stop whipping yourself; lose the drive for absolute perfection; learn to take rejection, and find the comfort zone.

Why Juvenile Deliquents are so dangerous.

They are hard, half-blind, furiously offended, rancorous, enraged, infants capable of any atrocity.
These "thwarted infant" feels a desire to tear up everything, and symbolically wipe out both parents.

The decency of the adults in the community has always depended on the fact that other adults can see him or her.
Thus the need for approval and embarrassment has a real purpose in a society.
The degrees of control society uses are mild embarrassment; followed closely by shame; and then ultimately cruel humiliation.

Time p50 22 Apr 96

Negative thoughts affect even paragons of achievement.
Inner feelings of incompleteness, emptiness, self-doubt & occasional self-hatred affect everyone.

American schoolchildren rank far ahead of others in self-confidence about math abilities, and far below (near the bottom) in actual math performance, when compared to students in 20 countries.

negative emotions are:
suspicion - trust is absent.
anger - one is upset.
greed - others sense vulnerability and can take advantage.
hurt - one seeks revenge.

You need to evaluate if you are the target of someone's anger ? Is it you or something else that is really the target? Don't react to other's anger when you are not the target. Especially watch for "externalized" internal anger.

The primate developed several levels of existence which are:
Survival-immediate.
Security- continued survival.
Social interaction.
Self-actualization - self-fulfillment.
Self-esteem - respect for others.

The primate evolved two higher functions in the brain:
1) Cognitive needs- the need to know.
2) Aesthetic needs - the need for beauty and consistency. Consistency bonds aesthetics to survival. Consistency - we despise and fear people who we perceive as acting inconsistently and erratically. A need for consistency is based on a tremendous need to exist in a predictable world.

The basic personality characteristics you need to recognize and learn to deal with are: Obsession - attention is elsewhere.
Inhibition - shyness personified.
Apathy - a don't care attitude.
Sulking - anger; meritorous or unreasonable.
Evaluation - examining all, inquisitive of all.
Penurious - almost obcessed with money.
Time pressure - time's up, brief incremements of life are assigned.
Fear - paranoid, which may be rational or irrational.

The two types of individuals are : 1) matchers - who like sameness; continuity; long employment; lifelong attachments; comfortable, long marriages.

2) mismatchers - who like new, different, excitement, change, green pastures, and differences; are ambitious, and frequently feel failure, frustration, and discontent.

The basic motivators you need to recognize and learn to use are:
1) the need to be rewarded.
2) the fear of punishment.
3) the feelings of respect for others.
4) the inherent need to nourish bonded relationships.

Underspenders and overspenders use money as an escape from feeling and as a way to avoid dealing w/ whatever is really bothering them.
Theirs is an insecurity and an unwillingness to share.

ARGUMENT

The art of argument is the art of living - argument is the affirmation of our being - it is the principle instrument of human interaction.
Argument is often like intercourse - an activity most satisfying & valuable when both parties join in.

When you open the jury to the argument, empower the jury to reject the arguer, then the jury will no longer fear the arguer.
It is the fear of powerlessness that defeats the arguer by closing the mind of the jury, due to a fear of listening.

The tourist reaches Las Vegas and finds that music, celebration, intimacy, and excess are commodities which the entertainment industry uses to coax the tourist to part w/ both inhibitions and currency.
The strip clubs are a male bonding ritual and are masculine. Go see Demi Moore's movie, "Striptease"

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