Mate expectations
by Robert Hedges ©

I seek fame, fortune, fulfillment, & family. In the family category I only want to be a :
mate;
co-parent;
co-provider;
financial partner;
dinner companion;
love object;
best friend;
fitness advisor;
========= and be::
romantic;
loyal self-sacrificing;
a home repair person; and
furnish witty repartee over dinner;
with no more than an occasional discrete long term european style affair.
This list was furnished by a leading writer as what most women say they seek in a man.

72% of the respondents in a survey reported marital bliss when they also reported abundant sex and lots of prayer. Only 52% of the group reporting neither abundant sex nor lots of prayer reported marital bliss. The basis for good sex was a high basis for bonding.
There have been many movies made with a theme of 'working girls', as a romantic concept; these movies leave out gritty reality and fictionalize the commercial aspect of sex. I wish to make clear that when this topic arises, if I am asked for advice, I tell the curious novice to seek a relationship based on real feelings, rather than ever going out some evening just 'to score' (barring very unusual circumstances). I cannot say that when I was a naive youth I was fortunate enough to have received the good advice I describe from those around me, or if I did receive the best advice, I failed to observe it very briefly, as I could describe.

The Louisville area had it's 'red light district' just like any other town or city, and the most fashionable establishment of this notoriety was a house of 'ill repute' named'Annie's'. . When a certain naive young fellow (me) sought the diversion of the "ladies of the evening" it was to the Green Door (I was given directions) to which I was directed, to discover on my own, what a 'normal' relationship entailed, and if I functioned 'normally'.

I had been led to places much less healthy and cajoled under peer pressure to 'conform', twice, on the alternating paycheck weekends just prior to my adventure at the Green Door, all during the free-wheeling early seventies. Thus in six weeks (three weekends of bimonthly paychecks) I learned a very valuable lesson. There is nothing memorable about a physical contact, in the absence of the chemistry called PEA .
The opportunity has been available to me since, particularly in Las Vegas, to indulge in this common male fantasy, but my knowledge of sordid reality recognizes such contacts as useless behavior.

I await opportunities to feel 'chemistry' I have experienced. That is the greatest feeling - a high caused by the nearness and anticipation of more high -.

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Last modified: March 1996